


Take from the Air

by CruelisnotMason



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (kinda), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Developing Relationship, Don't copy to another site, Feelings, Getting Together, Hurt, M/M, Minor Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Past Relationship(s), Porn, Porn with Feelings, Riding, Semi-Public Sex, Soft kadam/adeith, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-01-24 06:21:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18565690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CruelisnotMason/pseuds/CruelisnotMason
Summary: Lance told him once that fucking your best friend’s ex is tasteless.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd because we die like heroes (and i need to go to bed)
> 
> (I'm sorry I accidentally wrote more feelings than porn)
> 
>  [Song the fic is named after](https://youtu.be/NCD-sRRZD7U)

It’s a sloppy movement, the last few thrusts that are angled the way Keith likes, executed in an attempt to let his orgasm spill steadily and slowly at the same time. It works, it always does, Keith doesn’t know how or why he knows it.

 

With a long groan, Keith decreases the speed of his rolling hips, slows down fully and holds onto his cock’s crown, feeling the semen spill at the sides, under his hand and down his limping cock.

 

“Did you come yet?” he asks Adam, who lies sweaty but calm beneath him and rubs his hands over Keith’s thighs.

 

“No.”

 

Keith rolls his eyes and rises his hips to get off his cock. The condom is quickly pulled of, too, and he gets a new one from his nightstand. He lays it on Adams cock, rolls it a bit down with his hands and then skillfully uses his mouth to graze it down to the hilt.

 

“Idiot,” he says when he comes up for air, “you can’t only always make me come and not say anything.”

 

Adam opens his mouth to complain, but Keith is on him, red lips already swollen from kissing him, feeling so _so_ wet. Adam tends to be quiet, but Keith caught him off guard; he’s hissing, hips jumping, toes curling and his hands grabbing the mattress.

 

 

 

Lance told him once that fucking your best friend’s ex is tasteless. Keith doesn’t think Lance knows anything remotely about friendships, love, or humans at all to judge him, but when Pidge tells him the same in a quiet minute and less accusingly on top of it, he doesn’t know what to answer.

 

“You didn’t wait two minutes when Allura broke up with Lance,” Keith tells her and earns himself a sour look. “It’s not that different.”

 

Except it is.

 

His friends might think they know, but they don’t know a lot. They don’t know that if anything, Keith himself believed Shiro and him were destined to be, but then it didn’t happen, not even remotely, no discussion, no “what did you mean, when I held my futuristic arm sword at your throat and you said you love me?”

 

Keith asks Shiro once what he thinks about dating – a casual question, unrelated (at least that what he says). Shiro tenses for a moment, but then he cocks his head. “It would be nice if you’d find someone who gave you the world,” he concludes. “You deserve it, Keith.”

 

If he told Shiro that it’s Adam, who he’s dating, and that he doesn’t really “give him the world” as much as Shiro did, would Shiro say the same? If it’s not that theoretical?

 

There’s no exact reason why it’s Adam, at least that’s what he tells himself. They are as different as day and night and still, there are some things about Adam that remind him of Shiro. There are subtle differences, and also the less subtle ones.

 

Not even death takes Shiro as far as losing his humor whereas the days when Adam tells a _dry_ _one_ can be counted on one hand.

 

When he does, Keith laughs loud and unashamed, pushes against his shoulder and snorts.

 

He’s dreading the day he has to tell Shiro. Maybe it’s over, sooner or later, and he doesn’t need to tell anyone until he walks hand in hand with his dirty little secret right into his grave. Thinking of telling his mom twists his stomach in the funniest ways. Keith knows, one day he might need to tell her that he’s seeing someone, and that this someone isn’t Shiro.

 

He’s painfully aware that Krolia thought that it was destined to happen between the two of them, but it doesn’t matter now – nobody was as disappointed as Keith in the end.

 

 

 

Adam lasts long when he’s fucking him, but only seconds with Keith’s mouth on him. Keith doesn’t think it’s because he harbors special skills in dick-sucking; he thinks it’s because Adam likes the power that he uses to hold him down, brush through his locks and have a nice look at his back and ass.

 

They lay in bed, Keith’s head on his chest. He’s entirely too warm but satisfied, kissing Adam’s chest once in a while absentmindedly. _It’s not love_ he thinks, stubbornly, _it’s not._

 

But then sometimes he looks at him, sees the strict but gentle eyes, sees the fold in his forehead that will become a crease someday. Observes the way his hair falls into his face and muses over how helpless he looks when he has taken his glasses off and can’t find anything. How he sounds when he calls Keith after a long day at work, asking him if he wants to come over, asks if he ate already or if he can cook him something.

 

Keith is not dumb. He knows what’s happening.

 

Funnily enough, it’s not mindless sex that brought them together.

 

*

 

It’s a Friday evening and Shiro is busy having meetings; he always says he hates them, sighs and groans, but Keith knows, he secretly loves it: It’s his life.

 

Shiro loves work as much as Keith loves _him_.

 

He’s frustrated, alone – the Paladins aren’t busy and always would take his call – Keith knows they’d understand best, humor him, comfort him if he just reached out to them, but he can’t bring himself up to spill what everyone knows already.

 

That’s why, on a Friday night, he tries to steal a hoverbike.

 

Or _borrowing_ it; that’s what he thinks. _It’s not stealing, borrowing_.

 

The Garrison is a haven for the Black Lion, and he stays there, stored away from anyone else. If the Garrison can hold his Lion captive, he can steal one of their hoverbikes for a few hours.

 

The big lock is almost off, but it takes some handywork to do it – Keith fumbles, but he’s taking his time. Nobody comes down here on a Friday night.

 

Except this night someone does.

 

“Looks like someone needs to remind you that’s Garrison property. You need to hand in a permission request before you use them.”

 

Keith curses, lets the lock sink down and walks into the pale light coming through the window to let the person see that it’s him and not a mere criminal trying to steal the Garrison’s shit.

 

He’s surprised to see Adam stand in the doorframe, looking cool and composed as he remembered him from before. Since Keith and the Paladins came back to Earth, their paths did not cross once, and he got spared from having conflicting feelings towards seeing the ex of the guy he fell in love with.

 

Keith doesn’t give a snarky remark, just looks at the man in front of him – did he change? It doesn’t feel like it. It’s the same posture, same look, as if years hadn’t had passed since they’ve last seen each other, or as if the Galra never invaded Earth.

 

“I-“

 

“You just wanted to steal a hoverbike to take a little tour?” Adam interrupts him before Keith can excuse himself. Keith didn’t have anything against him when he was younger, only that Adam had the same calm and neutral face boring adults tend to have, a face that doesn’t care about a silly little kid like him.

 

“I wanted to say that it’s none of your business.”

 

Keith wishes that Shiro would just come by, easing the situation like a trained bomb disposal expert, but no such luck.

 

“I see what I’ve heard is true. You’re all well.” Keith isn’t totally sure, but he thinks there’s a smirk on Adam’s face. Then, it’s like something dawns him and the smile is wiped away.

“Ah, today…”

 

Adam doesn’t finish the thought, but Keith is sure he knows. Fridays were reserved for Keith. On Friday nights, they would fly into the desert.

 

The dull pain comes slowly, because he thought he’d accepted it by now. Before he can mull over the shitty situation his heart is in, Adam holds up his keys; because he’s not Shiro, he just won’t violate regulations. But he’s creative, too.

 

“Let’s take my car”, he offers.

 

Keith doesn’t think there’s anything else left but to accept.

 

 

 

 

 

They drive out and it takes longer than it does with hoverbikes, but it is also calming. Keith rolls the window down and looks outside, the warm summer breeze gently sweeping through his hair.

 

“How are you?” he asks, non-committedly. Adam doesn’t answer for a while.

 

“Good,” he replies, just as chatty.

 

Keith doesn’t have to talk; he was never that type of person who had to fill the quiet. So they stay silent until they are out there in the open, under the starry sky, under the weight of the universe.

 

 

 

It’s not dating, Keith tells himself, when they develop a habit of driving out.

 

It’s not dating, he says to himself in front of a mirror when he looks at himself for the first time, really, and considers getting a haircut or at least a nice dress-up shirt.

 

 _It’s not_ , he stubbornly thinks when Adam suggests a restaurant. Keith declines and promises to bring burgers to their spot in the desert.

 

They go to the desert, eat their burgers. Keith realizes, it’s not Adam’s and his spot. It’s Shiro’s.

 

 

 

They still go out to the desert, but then one day Adam invites him over to his flat. He moved out of the Garrison after the war and found himself a small house not far away. Keith is nervous, _so_ nervous when he gets there, convinced he’s not date-material, convinced that this is not something he wants to happen.

 

Adam doesn’t say how nice he looks, but he gives him a too obvious glance over before he invites him in. There’s a plain candle lit on the table, two plates of pasta, a beer and a bottle of wine.

 

 _It’s a date_ , Keith thinks, and every alarm in his head goes off. He’s unprepared.

 

Keith never had a date, not even kissed someone. His very first crush turned out to be a huge fucking dick for his whole childhood and teenage years (damn Griffin) and then, there has been no one else but Shiro.

 

Adam looks nice, but he somehow always does. For once, he doesn’t wear the damn uniform, just lose pants and a beige shirt. He’s not as dressed up as Keith, but he looks attractive. He’s not even wearing his glasses today.

 

“Thanks for the food”, Keith says when he walks through the entrance and just sits; he feels unequipped and tries hard to think about any social rules he ever heard of, but he assumes, he just never listened, unsure if he’d ever spent his much time in another person’s presence ever.

 

“You’re welcome.” Adam follows him slowly, he is calm, composed. It makes Keith restless, but soon it calms him, too.

 

They get through eating just fine; Keith thinks he’s slurping too loud, he accepts the beer although he doesn’t drink ever, eats to quick an doesn’t know what to do when he has finished his plate. The beer tastes bitter but good, and it fizzes him up good, calms him, like Adam calms him too, after riling him up first.

 

They sit on the couch afterwards and it’s awkward because they both don’t talk a lot. Keith is convinced Adam must have never been nervous in his life before. Keith starts a conversation about hoverbikes and that’s successful, they move on talking about piloting soon after and he’s amazed by Adam coming to life – gone is the strict teacher that works at the Garrison; alive comes cargo pilot Adam Walter, top of his class, right after Shiro.

 

He’s close and Keith thinks there are subtle elements, tiny signs that show he’s as nervous as Keith – checking his watch from time to time for no reason, twirling a strand of hair between his thumb and index finger, nodding although there’s nothing he needs to nod at.

 

It’s subtle, but enough.

 

Keith leans in for a kiss and Adam doesn’t draw back.

 

He tries not to let him on that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, trying to do what he knows from movies or Lance’s anecdotes, moves slowly although he wants to be hasty, moves his lips all over his face. He had pushed the feeling back, far enough to think he's only not opposed to Adam making a move, when in reality he can’t wait two seconds before initiating anything himself.

 

“Adam”, he gasps as he’s pressing back and then it all happens too quickly. Keith has a nervous stomach even though it has never been as nervous as Hunks. It’s the gas of the beer, the garlic of the pasta, the flutter of his feelings. He wants to turn his head away, but it’s too late. He burps right into Adam’s face.

 

Adam laughs after one shocked second, loud without holding back – it’s the first time Keith hears his voice tinging clear, unrestricted and soft.

 

His head is a tomato. He’s never going to live that one down.

 

“Oh my god, Keith”, Adam snickers, “it stinks.”

 

He’s snorting and laughing uncontrollably, and Keith’s mouth turns downwards; he’s sour.

 

“I can go,” he says and gets up, but Adam pulls him back, so he flops right back on the couch.

 

“Stay,” Adam says softly, rubbing his eyes. Are those tears? Keith can’t believe him. “Sorry," he grins, "it was just…unexpected.”

 

Adam looks so amused, nothing like his usual self and Keith thinks that right in this moment only he is able to see him like this. It helps – Keith isn’t as embarrassed anymore, gets over himself and takes Adam’s hand.

 

“Can I kiss you again?” he asks him, leans over him, “I try not to burp this time.”

 

“You promise?” Adam asks, grinning again.

 

“Nah,” Keith grins, too, now, “no promises.”

 

They press their smiling faces against each other – Keith’s mind can’t think about anything else anymore, only him kissing Adam, here on his couch, Adam’s hand roaming over his shoulder blades while he deepens the kiss.

 

When they break, Keith still grins, Adam only wears a small smile; but that’s how he is.

 

Keith remembers seeing him when he was still a teenager, back when he thought that Adam is humorless and boring, a lame ass who doesn’t support Shiro. An egoist.

 

Now Keith is sitting with Adam on _his_ couch, thinking he’s cute even though stoic – a complex man.

 

They kiss again and again that evening and at one point, Adam shakes and laughs again and teases Keith about ‘his accident’. It stays that way, chaste and sweet, everything Keith wouldn’t have expected from him.

 

 

 

Keith shows him the Black Lion once. Adam only warily climbs into the beast’s mouth, stays suspicious as they enter the cockpit, says nothing when Keith starts the engines. His emotions only partly show on his face, but Keith imagines he can read him, even if it's only a little bit. He might be suspicious, but open to learn and understand – there’s a curiosity in his eyes that reminds him too much of Shiro, and it hurts; bad. The Lion growls loud and wild, Adam looks at him in fear, obviously shaken – Keith kills the engine quickly.

 

“Sorry,” he says as the lion is turned down and doesn't move another inch, “he can be moody, sometimes.”

 

Adam catches his breath, wipes a pearl of sweat from his forehead.

 

“I thought it was the Red Lion, who’s supposed to be like that," he says.

 

*

 

When Keith thought about whoever would get the honor of taking his virginity, Adam definitely never crossed his mind. In his head there were random people most of the time, playing the role of his partner, touching and caressing him.

 

Keith is on edge because he doesn’t think Adam suspects he’s a virgin, and still doesn’t take him for the most sensible guy. He’s all wrong, because Adam concentrates on him, on what Keith wants, caresses him, kisses him sweetly. He doesn’t touch Keith until Keith puts his hand determinedly on his dick, but then he acts in practiced and elegant hand movements, undressing him and taking him in his mouth first before he fingers him.

 

Adam doesn’t care about getting himself off, but Keith wants to return the favor, moves his hand quickly and clumsily, not confident enough to give his first blowjob. Adam still thrusts into his fist, slowly with closed eyes, mouth slightly opened, but silent, one hand holding onto Keith until he comes with a quiet groan.

 

He quickly realizes that Adam knew that Keith had no experience whatsoever, and although he thought it might make him even more nervous, it helps him relax. Adam's hands are always moving slow and soft, unhurriedly wanting to give Keith pleasure first and himself secondly. It’s not how Keith envisioned him to be. It’s good, so good, and every time they come together and it ends up horizontal, it gets more intense, practiced and better.

 

Keith realizes, Adam is loyal.

 

He waits for him when his shift ends, just to take a quick walk with him, he cooks him dinner; he never kisses him in public first and especially not on Garrison grounds. He meets Shiro several times while him and Keith are dating and not once leads him onto the fact that he’s boning his former protégé.

 

When they lie next to each other in bed, he wonders how Shiro could ever leave this person who looks so strict but acts so gentle, who will deeply care for someone who lets him in. Keith feels guilty for thinking so; after all he had nothing back then, when Shiro had everything without knowing for how long.

 

Adam fucks him good and hard whenever he wants to, and Keith can hold out longer after a while; the first time they climax together Keith almost spills an ‘I love you’ and can hold himself back in only the last second. He shouldn’t act so rushed, but keeping feelings tucked away in a container is hard – Keith was never someone who could do that easily.

 

But then again, he’s a furious head-through-the-wall kind of guy, an angry teen and just as angry as an adult; a good for nothing who wears his heart on his sleeves and his nose high over his head.

 

 

 

“Adam,” he breathes when it’s his turn and he just loves it. His boyfriend is pliant, flushed and wrecked even though he’s only now easing his dick into him, observing his muscles contracting and relaxing and his dick bobbing. “I love you”, he moves over him, the angle of his hips and dick moving into a good position that makes him moan loud and open. Adam kisses him, then slaps his shoulder.

 

“Why,” he breathes as Keith starts moving into him, slowly, controlled, deliciously, “now?”

 

Keith doesn’t think he needs an answer, not when Adam is kissing him back furiously, controlled face scrunched and pink, eyebrows furrowed, with his asshole taking him so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to recommend this fic to others, feel free to link or retweet this [Tweet](https://twitter.com/CruelisB/status/1174602529558204417)!
> 
> _________________________
> 
> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> Feedback
> 
>   * Short comments
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> If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam's birthday turns up and maybe it's time for Keith to tell his friends that they are dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I planned to leave the first chapter as a One-Shot; it can be read as such and I hope whoever opens this second chapter doesn't expect the same magic that I somehow made happen there lol. 
> 
> I can't leave my hands off Kadam, but I also love a bit of hurt. This chapter is heavy on Keith and his feelings to Shiro, but this fic will stay a Kadam fic whatsoever. It took me way too long to write it and it ended up being a huge chapter.  
> It will probably continue after this chapter, too, but I'm taking the pressure off myself saying in itself, this chapter could also be done in one chapter. I hope you will understand!
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy!

 

 

Adam's Birthday is on Tuesday.

 

It takes one second for Keith to think of a birthday present, but three days to find one that fits.

 

The answer is easy, Adam likes silence, loves simple and plain things. But more than anything, he loves books.

 

"Even flying can't take my mind off the world that I’m able to see when I’m reading,” he told Keith once when asked about his hobbies. It's endearing, and Adam looks younger when he talks about it.

 

Adam is everything but the boring adult Keith once held him for. He loves the quiet, loves things his way. He loves exciting, too, just not as much as Keith does sometimes.

 

 

 

When Adam is still asleep or goes out to get groceries, Keith stops in front every bookcase at his house, goes through shelf after shelf, searching for a book that Adam doesn’t have yet; searches for something that meets Adam’s intellect and shows how much Keith understands him - but comes up empty every time.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

"Keith,” someone calls out to him and he almost misses it.

 

The new recruits had arrived last week and it was Keith's responsibility to train them. _Why me?_ he had asked Iverson. _I’m the good-for-nothing_ , he thinks, but doesn't say.

 

"I said what I’ve said, Paladin.” Iverson's voice is firm, so Keith accepts his fate.

 

The young cadets are worse than he thought, a bunch of...

 

They can't differ left from right, up from down. "Were we just like them?" he asks Hunk dispassionately when he takes his break and laughs as Hunk tells him they were worse.

 

Keith was on his way back to his room when he heard his name. Turning towards the source of it, he sees Shiro walking towards him, smiling, white fluff of hair bobbing.

 

"Haven't seen you in a long time," the Admiral greets and stops right in front of him. Keith gets on his toes to give him a hug, not one of those with their clasped hands in between them, no, it’s a full, drawn-out hug with him.

 

_His gentle Shiro –_

 

Keith’s love for him will only ever get easier to accept, and Keith has to learn gradually that it will never cease to exist.

*

Adam knows about Keith’s feelings to Shiro.

 

It would be a surprise if he didn’t. Even though Keith loves to imagine it was always him and Shiro back then, Adam was there too; for Keith he was just a silent shadow accompanying them when Keith wanted to hang out with the man of the stars – who is born out of dreams and galactical dust. Keith knows that Adam can recall every time Keith would sneak around Shiro, eyes dark, full of sparkle and admiration whenever he had time for him.

It wasn’t exactly a secret. It wasn’t subtle.

 

These childish feelings turning into full-blown, heart-wrenching love wasn’t a surprise either; but Adam being with him to witness their heartbreak after heartbreak _was_.

 

He knows Adam trusts him, trusts in his love for him, too. Keith appreciates the sentiment, but he himself isn’t so sure. He might not trust himself, but he trusts Shiro not to reciprocate his feelings.

*

 

When they untangle from the hug, both smiling, Keith looks at him. But the sun blinds him from above and he can only see a part of Shiro’s face; his smile.

 

"I'm sorry, I was busy.” Keith’s voice is soft as he tells him. He's telling the truth, work has been busy, but he was also busy being together with Adam.

 

"Ah." Shiro gives him a glance over, smile shy. "I understand." He opens his mouth, then closes it.

 

"What have you been up to, lately?" Keith tries to hold onto the conversation.

He misses Shiro and is happy to finally have a chance to talk to him again. There are bigger and bigger breaks in between when they both have time and it’s just the two of them. It’s alright for Keith even though sometimes it’s weird; it feels like an unreplacable part of his life lacking. Keith quickly discards the thought.

 

"Lots and lots of work,” Shiro smiles. "And you?"

 

“I’m up to-“ he starts but doesn’t finish. _Feeling guilty 24/7 of being together with your ex-fiancé and not having told you about it yet._ He doesn’t say.

 

"-training the new cadets apparently,” Keith continues with a sigh and smiles back at him, ignoring the steady beat of his heart. There’s a slight chance he’s getting better at being around Shiro, slowly unlearning the feelings that are pounding like a banging thunder in his heart every time he looks at him.

 

Shiro laughs and it breaks Keith’s heart even more _. I thought I was over this_ , he thinks, but it’s a fresh wound ripped open, wet and dropping red. _It will take time_ , Keith says to himself like Adam did. _Have a little bit of empathy for yourself_.

 

"Shiro", he says, "I'd love to talk more to you, but I need to get to the bookstore before it's closing down,” he explains to him.

 

Shiro nods.

Keith is in midturn and waves to him when Shiro sprints after him and asks: "Is it okay if I accompany you there? I wanted to buy a new book, too."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The bookstore is not far out of town - it's now the store of an Unilu lady, a friendly old granny that runs the store with her family. It’s all nice and well until someone wants to pay for their purchases: It tends to be more difficult than in the past – but that’s really the only thing one can complain about.

 

Keith watches Shiro as he wanders down the aisles. He looks happy from what he can see on the outside, which leaves Keith’s protective side for him to rest.

He had a task when he came here, so Keith starts rummaging between bookshelves searching for something Adam could like.

 

He’s quickly lost when reading title after title of historical novels that are set in Neolithic times until he opens one and realizes that it’s literally written like cavemen porn.

 

The current book he’s holding slips out of his hands at the revelation, and Keith turns to another bookshelf in hope to be less shocked by another genre.

 

Every new shelf he looks at turns out to be just as interesting as a loaf of bread, so he wanders down another aisle, neither looking right nor left. When he passes a row of intergalactic thrillers and Bii-Boh-bi’s newest romance novels, he bumps into Shiro. Keith looks up at him in surprise which makes Shiro just laugh jittery as he catches him, holds onto him. "Is something on your mind lately?" he asks as Keith takes a step away, face red.

 

"Only searching for something,” he mumbles.

 

"I can help", Shiro offers with a smile. "Unless it's to please Coran's love of shilling shockers, I think I might be able to help."

 

Keith considers it. It's true, he can help. Shiro likes reading, just as Adam does. He loves books, and he probably has a good taste on top of it all. _They also were together once_ , his mind daunts him with the thought, so he must know what Adam likes.

 

"It's a present,” Keith admits. Shiro doesn’t hide his astonishment.

 

"Made a new friend?" he asks, and his eyes are smiling. He beams because he's proud of him.

 

"Yeah. It's his birthday soon", Keith explains, "I want to find something he'd actually like to read."

 

Shiro nods and grabs a book from a pile. It’s a comic book, and on the cover are the comic-versions of Zarkon and Haggar, who are looking too cute to be mistaken for those very real villains that they had to defeat in the past.

 

"I guess I could help you find something," Shiro says and takes a few steps to pass by him. Keith remains watching him, as he walks up and down the rows of books, grabbing one or two from a pile, studying them closely. Keith browses through the comic in front of him, without really reading it.

 

 

 

Then Shiro perks up as he finds one and walks back to Keith. "I think this is a good one", he hands it to Keith.

 

 

 

A look at the title and Keith knows Shiro hit the bullseye. The book has a dark cover and golden letters, moreover, it's a classic novel about the third war in 2089. Keith is too surprised to say something – the book fits Adam’s taste like Cinderella fits her shoe – and Keith is surprised that he doesn’t own it yet.

 

As he looks at the cover and the summary on the back, Shiro shifts in front of him. He doesn’t wait until Keith looks up again.

 

“Is it good?”

 

“Yeah, actually,” Keith mutters, “it’s perfect. Thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Shiro is still observing him with watchful eyes – only after a while Keith starts to notice.

 

"I, uhm", Shiro clears his throat and Keith’s eyes are still locked on the book, "I didn't know you and Adam became friends."

 

Keith's gaze snaps away from the book up to Shiro’s eyes within a second. Fear and shock are nagging at him simultaneously and his heart is pumping, loud and ashamed, but then again, there’s no reason he should feel like that, or should he –

 

"How do you know?" he asks and can’t hide the surprise in his voice either.

 

"You mentioned him sometimes. I saw you both a few weeks ago, talking outside. I remember the date of his birthday.” Shiro looks to the side first until he meets Keith’s eyes again. “If I'm honest, it wasn't that hard", he looks shy, brushes his hand through his hair. It knocks the air out of Keith’s lungs. For multiple reasons.

 

"You could've told me, you know," Shiro adds.

 

Keith's mouth runs dry.

 

Shiro is quick to reassure him. "It's not a problem for me if you both are on friendly terms.”

 

Keith nods slowly and Shiro continues, fingers brushing against the back of his head.

 

“Me and Adam… that has been a long time ago. I'd like to meet up with him eventually sometime and just... talk about stuff."

 

Keith relaxes a bit at those last words. Maybe _this_ is the moment where he could come clean, in the middle of this bookshop with only a few people around them.

But Keith just can't.

 

"You caught me," he says slowly, then adds shyly: "Me too; I hope you two can meet up and talk one day."

 

In a trance, he raises the book. "I'm going to buy this one. Thanks for helping me, Shiro."

 

At the check-out, Keith only needs to decline two times trading his firstborn until he is allowed to trade money for a book like a normal person. The Unilu Lady seems content – Keith puts the book in his backpack and walks back to Shiro.

 

“Ready?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

They leave the store together, and on the way back they pass their time by talking about simple things like work or the other Paladins. Shiro looks out of the window as they ride the public bus, his gaze is soft – Keith relaxes as he observes him.

 

"You know what, Keith?” Shiro supports his chin with his hand and doesn’t look at Keith when he continues. “The last time, you were talking about dating. Do you remember?” Keith doesn’t nod, doesn’t hum, but Shiro goes on. “I think I might try again," he says.

 

Shiro quietly observes two people embracing at the bus stop. He doesn't hear the murmured 'that's great' which drops like a soggy back from Keith's lips.

 

 

*

 

 

He buys some groceries before heading to Adam – a habit from never finding anything in his fridge that he likes. When he steps into his house, it feels empty, the short white corridor feels endless and the white-walled rooms feel dead - Keith quickly discards his coat and moves to the kitchen.

 

"Adam?" he calls out, but there’s no answer. Keith slowly unpacks the things he bought. Carrots, potatoes and some chicken breast for a stew. No matter how responsible Adam looks on the outside, he has a sweet tooth and rarely cooks for himself. Keith wonders if Shiro cooked for them when they were together. He never asks things like that.

 

When he's done, he moves to the living room and gets his pair of sweats, freshly washed and draped over a chair for him to wear. He changes into them and folds his jeans neatly to put it on the chair, then walks on towards the bedroom.

 

Adam lies there, softly snoring. He left his glasses on and has a notebook open. The pencil must have dropped from his hand and is nowhere to be found.

 

It’s only afternoon, but Keith glides next to him into the sheets, hugs around his waist and kisses his neck. Adam doesn’t stir and he doesn’t have to, because the warmth of his body is enough for Keith to let him fall asleep and dream confused dreams of bears and foxes and Shiro with a deer-head.

 

 

 

"Keith,” someone says and brushes over his hair, "Keith, wake up."

 

He bolts upwards and stares into Adam's face, attached to a human body. Thank god.

 

"Hey,” his boyfriend says softly and leans down for a kiss. Keith is still perplexed, no matter how soft it was, he was awoken harshly from his dream, but a minute later, he relaxes under Adam’s soft touches.

 

"Hey," he yawns back and stretches, extends his arms to draw Adam into a close hug.

 

"I didn't want to wake you," Adam explains while Keith places kiss after kiss somewhere in his face and hug him tighter, "but I feared you'd over-nap."

 

Keith kisses him on the mouth long and sweetly, fingers scratching through the short hair and on the scalp.

 

"There's no such thing as over nap," Keith explains as he gets up, his body still feeling groggy. Adam watches him and steadies him – gives a kiss on his tousled bedhead. Keith rubs his eyes and sniffs.

 

"Wait.…a minute,” he says and sniffs again. “It smells really good-"

 

Adam laughs now and walks out of the room – Keith follows him quickly.

 

"I made dinner with the groceries that you brought," Adam says as he's walking toward the kitchen. Keith follows him, embraces him from behind as Adam gives the vegetables a last stir. Keith hides his face in his neck and breathes in the aromatic scent of the stew.

 

"You're so caring," Keith sighs.

 

"For making us food?" There's a slight smile in his tone.

 

"Yes. Yes. For caring enough for me to make me food. I love it."

 

He only feels the slight tense in Adam's back, but when Keith hugs tighter, he instantly relaxes again.

 

"I'll bring it over,” Adam tells it and carefully gets out of Keith's death grip on him. “You can get us forks and make yourself comfortable in front of the couch."

 

Keith's eyes lighten up." Eating on the couch while watching TV? Feels like it's _my_ birthday soon."

 

"You deemed yourself responsible enough to not spill everything you eat on the cushions."

 

Keith giggles but shoves him a bit. "It happened one time. I cleaned it!"

 

"Right." Adam finally comes out of the kitchen with two plates. "Beer, or wine?"

 

"Tea?" Keith asks as Adam hands him the food.

 

"I'm going to make us some."

 

 

 

The end up eating on the couch, Keith snuggling close to him and praising the food. As they are watching a random TV drama, Adam commits to _not_ leaving snarky remarks about the lack of realism in turn for Keith only dropping his food once.

 

 

 

After dinner, Keith watches Adam more than he watches the TV, watches his profile and imagines drawing it one day. The book he purchased earlier, it’s still in his backpack. Maybe Keith will give it a chance and read it too, read it and magically gain a bigger understanding of what's going on in this stoic man that he loves so deeply.

 

 

 

"Give me a kiss."

 

Adam turns to him and grins. "What a nice command, Paladin."

 

"And still you're not obeying," Keith remarks, leans in and takes the kiss he wanted, a small peck.

 

"I love you," he tells Adam, and he knows he will never get tired of saying it - even if Adam hasn't said it back yet.

 

He knows Adam will tense up; maybe stress about saying it back, but Keith doesn’t mind, he knows Adam likes him and it’s enough for now.

 

Additionally, Adam doesn’t say as much through his words as he does through his deeds (like cooking a stew that Keith can wake up to), so Keith takes whatever Adam does for him more into account than what he says to him.

 

Keith thinks he has become stronger, confident, and he doesn't need words to know he's being loved.

 

 

 

Adam’s tongue darts out and slightly licks over his bottom lip before he pulls Keith closer, kisses him back with intent. Keith didn’t plan it, but his hand is on Adam’s hips in a second and two seconds later he’s palming his dick already, swallowing every moan that Adam is willing to give him, willing to give everything in return to him just as enthusiastically.

 

"Let's move to bed?" he asks between breathy kisses and tiny gasps. "I want you," Keith adds and Adam nods, mesmerized by the way Keith looks at him, enchanted by the way he holds and caresses him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning the bed next to Keith is empty. Adam wakes up earlier than him every day, just like today, too. He's standing at the windows and looks outside at the small garden and front porch, arms folded, and eyebrows furrowed. Keith finds him like that, thinking and brooding, so he moves behind him and tries to embrace the troubling thoughts out of him.

 

"Am I not too old?", Adam asks, and Keith suppresses the urge to snort.

 

"For sure, Grandpa,” he tells him equally insensitive, but hugs him tighter and plants his face in the curve of his neck just like he loves it. “That's what I like about you."

 

"Keith-"

 

"Yes, Adam?" Keith mouths at his neck and slips a hand under this shirt to feel his stomach and chest. Adam sighs into it.

 

"Nothing."

 

Keith pauses.

 

"Oh, come on, is that really what you're concerned about?"

 

When Adam doesn’t answer instantly, Keith moves around to face him, one palm still on his arm. “Adam-“

 

"Yeah,” he answers softly and puts a hand over his. Keith grimaces.

 

“I’m sorry for not taking you seriously. I’m- I mean, you don't have worry, you're not even that old. Other than that, I'm into slightly older men who take good care of me,” Keith grins and moves closer.

 

Adam says nothing to that, and Keith realizes his mistake.

 

"I mean you." He adds quickly, but Adam doesn’t reply, but he stops brooding and looks outside again. It’s a cloudy day; soon the raindrops are dropping against the windows.

 

"I think you're really dumb,” Adam starts, and Keith raises an eyebrow, "to like a slightly older, boring man like me."

 

Keith laughs.

 

"I think I'm pretty intelligent," he says and casts his eyes down, "for liking an over-thinking idiot like you."

 

Adam smiles now, and it's everything that Keith wants, to protect the shy smile on his face, to massage his neck, kiss his forehead to make him feel loved. So he does.

 

 

*

 

 

Keith is ready to tell the Paladins, but at the same time, he doesn't think he has to make it a big thing. All of them dated or have been dating by now, more or less successful. Keith getting a boyfriend too was only a matter of time and a matter of finding someone who put up with him. He still doesn’t know why, but Adam does, somehow, put up with him.

 

 

 

They assemble all at the Garrison on Tuesdays, after having eaten together, they spend their time in the common room together. With the pretense of a “secret meeting” the Paladins successfully throw all the others out. Nobody knows yet, that this is their code for ‘let’s relax together, let’s have some quality time alone with each other’.

 

"I made some cake yesterday," Hunk says and takes a box out of his backpack as soon as they get seated, "double chocolate chip."

 

"Hunk, you _are_ killing me," Lance groans.

 

"Hunk, we love you and now I understand why you hinted at us to not get dessert," Pidge says and rubs her belly.

 

“Oh no, I’m full already,” Allura says, but she’s reaching for a plate. Keith grins and takes the one that Shiro gives him.

 

When they all have their own piece of cake in front of them, they fall into easy small talk; catching up about things they cannot talk the week around when they only see each other in between work. Keith eats his cake even though his stomach does flips, and he’s convinced that this is the closest to what a family dinner would feel like; having only a taste of what it could be like, gained from all the disastrous movies he had watched when he was younger.

 

“Guys,” he says and puts his fork down – he sounds serious enough for everyone to look up and put their attention on him. Keith’s nerves are riling him up badly, he takes a steadying breath. Is that what it feels like when he wants to tell everyone that he has a boyfriend? _Hell_ , he would rather go back to fighting Zarkon instead.

 

“Speak your mind, Keith,” Hunk says as Keith sits there, mute. He nods.

 

“So I, uh, I mean, it’s not something really important...”

 

“It seems important to you,” Allura says instantly and smiles – her hand is on his; she’s gently thumbing over his skin. It helps, _somehow_ – and Keith rips the band-aid of.

 

“I’m dating someone. It’s not a big deal.”

 

“You are telling us you got laid?” Lance raises his voice and eyebrows simultaneously. He sounds relieved. “For a second there, I thought you’re going to die or something – that’s how serious you looked!”

He says it like that, even though he knew that Keith was hooking up with Adam back when it was something undefined, back when Lance judged him harshly for it. Keith understands, because Lance idolizes Shiro and doesn’t want him to get hurt. He understands the sentiment.

 _They broke up,_ Keith reminds himself, _it should be fine._

 

“No,” Keith says – he doesn’t look at Shiro throughout the whole talk. “We’re dating. It’s _serious_.”

 

“I’m happy for you,” Hunk says first, “Happy you’re happy, my friend.”

 

“Thanks,” Keith says and looks at his plate.

 

“Me, too,” Allura tells him and squeezes his hand.

 

Lance and Pidge say their congratulations too, it’s cheerful and Keith is satisfied, since the last time he tried to somehow approach the topic, it wasn’t as welcomed.

 

Only Shiro hasn’t said anything yet.

 

 

 

Keith looks up at his face with all the bravery he can manage to assemble – Shiro stares back, eyebrows slightly raised, and mouth opened.

 

“Uh.” Is all he says, then: “Who are you dating?”

 

Keith didn’t think about it, but it’s painfully obvious that everyone but Shiro knows who he’s talking about.

 

“Adam,” Keith answers, eyes cast down. _Enough running._

 

Shiro doesn’t say anything for another twenty seconds – Keith knows everyone in the room is holding his breath.

 

“I’m happy for you,” Shiro says and everyone starts to breathe again, “He’s a good guy.”

 

Keith feels his hand on his shoulder and is so relieved he could cry.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Adam’s birthday and Keith booked dinner at a new restaurant. It’s not too fancy, so Keith can still feel comfortable, but fancy enough for him to wear something nice. He chose a button up and black pants, braided his hair back, out of his face. He even comes by one of those fancy shops where they sell perfume – he picks one that is labeled volcanic thunderstorm because the shopkeeper suggests it to him; he applies as little as possible before he walks out the door.

 

The book is folded into brown paper and he holds onto it as he walks to the restaurant, the nervous feeling in his stomach is steadily manifesting. These days he thought about the book that he currently holds in his hands and its implications, but the thoughts are quickly forgotten when he spots Adam at the other side, waving.

 

When he gets seated, he notices the appreciating look Adam gives him – he’s not someone who would kiss him in a restaurant, but he sure likes to observe Keith when he wears something special for him. It makes Keith nervous all over again (thankfully not as nervous as on their first date), but when Adam reaches over the table to offer his hand to him, he cracks a smile and takes it. The nervous jitters morph into something else entirely: Adoration, love.

 

“You look good tonight,” Adam remarks as he’s looking through the menu. Keith’s cheeks heat up, not only because of the compliment but also because it’s obvious how hard he tried to look hot today. Adam looks effortlessly amazing. Keith doesn’t comprehend how it’s so easy for him.

 

“Thanks,” he answers, bites his lip and looks down at the menu again – unable to concentrate at the words.

“I’m so glad,” he finally says, getting rid of those exciting feelings for a moment, “to be able to spend your birthday with you. Happy Birthday, Adam.”

 

Adam smiles widely – it’s maybe the biggest smile Keith has ever seen on his face – Adam isn’t the sun, he’s like the air, a steady presence in Keith’s life, that sometimes catapults him into action, sometimes leaves him with troubles breathing.

 

“Thank you,” he says, leans forward. Keith raises an eyebrow and leans forward, too. “If you didn’t go through all the trouble to do this, I would go home with you right now.”

 

It’s a tease, and a bold one on top – it knocks the air out of Keith’s lungs, and he stares, open-mouthed, unaware of his own derailed face.

 

The waiter for the evening approaches their table right at this moment, Adam is ready to give up his order, whereas Keith stammers for two minutes until he folds and says: “I will take the same.”

 

 

 

Relaxation sets in throughout the first course, even though Keith doesn’t know which fork to use when and forgets that he shouldn’t put his elbows on the table. Thankfully Earth culture lost the stick up its ass with multiple aliens arriving over the years and elbows on the table aren’t as important now than they have been when Keith was younger.

 

They chat away and Keith forgets about Adam’s present completely – it lies there, next to his hand, hidden away under the brownish paper; out of his sight and out of his mind. Only when Keith has paid for the meal, Adam has taken his hand and they kiss in front of his house, Keith somehow remembers. He goes stiff in Adam’s arms as he remembers that he forgot about something but can’t put his finger on what it was.

 

“What’s wrong?” Adam asks him as he runs his fingers up and down Keith’s arms, making him positively shudder.

 

“I’ve got the feeling that I’ve forgotten something.” Keith looks at Adam in thought, trying to figure out what.

 

“Can’t be that important; if you forgot, I mean.”

 

“That’s never true, Adam,” Keith giggles. Adam gives him more kisses, holding him tenderly. It makes Keith’s knees go weak, his breath stutter and his heart hurt.

 

“I just can’t believe you’re with me,” he mutters against Adam’s neck and Adam hums in agreement.

 

“Let’s go in?” he suggests and takes Keith’s hand.

 

They kiss more on the porch; it’s a warm evening and the weather is still holding up outside. It’s getting dark quickly, but they don’t care as the grip each other’s shirt, hair, and hips. Keith is more than surprised as Adam discards his own shirt.

 

“What?” he gasps surprised as Adam moves back to kiss him. The older man grins sheepishly and a little shy – slides his thumb under Keith’s pants.

 

“Here-?” Keith’s breath hitches and he lifts his hips. The bench on the porch is comfortable enough, so he leans back, but keeps observing Adam with anticipation.

 

The clothing falls from his knees down easily and he’s left with his boxers only. “You are looking so good,” Adam says as he knees in front of him, slides hands up and down Keith’s thighs. “I wanted to do this all evening-“

 

Adam normally isn’t as vocal, which isn’t a problem; Keith enjoys it like that too, but this is something new, something exciting. He sighs into the touch and raises his hips a little bit.

 

“Shouldn’t I give you a birthday blow job?” he asks as he runs his fingers through Adam’s brown short hair. Adam looks young, giddy and happy.

 

“Blowing you is like a birthday gift for me already,” he says and bites into the muscle of Keith’s thigh.

 

He then remembers – the book.

 

But every thought about it leaves his brain in an instant as Adam gets up and shoves his pants down completely, making himself completely naked and standing on the front porch with a hard dick against his stomach.

 

Keith bites his lips at the sight, pulls him closer and kisses his pelvis, over Adam’s cock, too. He’s getting lost too quickly in his arousal, wants to take him into his mouth too, but Adam kisses him instead and kneels in front of him again.

 

Normally their sex is tender, slow and careful, it always has been, and Keith loves it like that; this is new, this is changing, scary and exciting – he would have _never_ thought—

 

His trail of thought is interrupted by his own moan – Adam has the tip of his cock on his tongue already, suckles on it, provocative, teasing. It’s amazing. Keith grabs for his head to have something to hold on, to brush through the curls as Adam kisses his thighs and stomach again.

 

“Mhm… Adam,” he hums, bucks up and Adam complies, takes him into his mouth, not fully, but deep enough. A stuttering breath leaves Keith’s lips losing to a desperate try for him to compose himself. “Adam,” he sighs again his boyfriend sucks him in earnest, holding Keith’s hips in place. Keith moves his hand with Adam’s head, until at some point he’s moving his head _for_ him. Adam lets himself get pushed again and again, down on Keith’s cock. He moans too, grips his own dick; hand moving slow first but more rapidly when he continues to suck Keith off.

 

“Adam,” Keith groans again, the sight of him kneeling between his legs, touching himself as he gets Keith with his mouth off too much already. Adam lets his cock slip out and moves over him, straddles his lap and moves his hips against him. Keith holds onto his back, thrusts up to feel the sweet friction and pleasure of Adam’s cock moving against his own slick one, fucking and rubbing himself against him.

 

“Fuck,” Keith’s hips begin to stutter and Adam kisses him sweet, so soft in contrast to the erratic movements between them. Adam moans against his lips, leaves bites at Keith’s necks.

 

The orgasm that hits him has been steadily building and ends up long and drawn out and Keith still has to catch his breath a few minutes after.

 

Adam curls against him, closing his eyes, satisfied and spent. Keith kisses the top of his head.

 

“I want you to fuck me again one day,” he says into the quiet of the evening as Adam strokes over his chest and arms.

 

Keith still thinks that this feels more like his birthday and less like it’s Adam’s, but he doesn't have a reason to complain.

 

“What makes you think about that right now?” Keith asks him and holds him in his arms – his clothes are a mess, even the freshly bought dress shirt. It’s fine, he won’t use it any time soon.

 

“Just so,” Adam says and unbuttons his shirt, kisses his chest. “I’m curious to try once again.”

 

Keith rolls that sentence around in his mind for a moment.

 

“Oh.” He sits slightly upright. “Oh, I-“

 

“You thought I tried before?”

 

“Well,” Keith thinks about Shiro for a split second, shakes the thought from his brain. “Yeah.”

 

Adam watches him and shrugs. “We can do it tonight,” he offers.

 

 

 

When they stand under the shower later, Keith washes his back, leaves kisses where he can reach. “Do you think your neighbors saw us?”

 

Adam thinks for a second. “There’s a good chance they did, right?” He steadies himself against the wall, a little bit weak on his feet.

 

“Yup,” Keith laughs and reaches for the shampoo. Adam turns and washes his hair.

 

Keith likes those simple gestures, loves how gentle Adam’s eyes look when they wash each other, loves how Adam holds his love for him in his own hands and gives something to Keith whenever he’s ready.

 

“I love you,” Keith says and kisses him.

 

But when he opens his eyes, Adam’s smile seems guilty.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

The book stays forgotten, until one day Keith remembers. He calls the restaurant.

 

“Yes, Sir. Yeah, we kept it for you.”

 

He gets there around his lunch break. The book still looks like it’s new, untouched. He grabs it, thanks the staff and returns to the Garrison. Adam is teaching right now, so he’s alone in the staff room; that is until Shiro enters.

 

He’s surprised to see him there but smiles and walks towards him.

 

“Hey,” Keith says – it’s the first time they are alone since Keith told his friends that he and Adam are in a relationship.

When he thinks about it now, it was maybe wasn’t fair to not tell him personally. Keith knows himself well enough to understand that he was afraid of Shiro’s reaction – but just like that, he knows for a fact that Shiro would never be unfair to him.

 

“How are things going?” Shiro asks him and sits next to him, with a bit of distance between. It’s new, it’s different. Keith _has_ to get used to this.

 

“Good,” he says, unsure.

 

He even forgets to ask Shiro back, trailing where his gaze went. He’s looking at the book.

 

“Oh,” Shiro breathes. “Did he not like it?”

 

“Ah.” Keith looks at the book in his hands, too. “No, I’m just-“

He extends his hand to Shiro, holding the book out to him. “Do you want to give it to him? You mentioned you wanted to talk to him when the time is ready.”

 

Shiro looks at the brown paper, thumb tracing over it. “I did.”

 

Keith waits for him to say something more, but Shiro seems lost in thought. The guilt nags at Keith, he doesn’t know why it shouldn’t be a big thing, they broke up a long time ago; Shiro never mentioned Adam since the day of the launch and never after. It shouldn’t be a problem, Keith thinks. He remembers Lance’s words but shakes them out of his head. In the end, he was happy for him, too, because it’s serious. What he and Adam have, it means a lot to Keith.

 

“I’m sorry,” Keith still says which makes Shiro look up in surprise. He gets it, a few seconds later, shakes his head.

 

“I’m not angry at you, Keith. I’m happy for you.”

 

He sighs and leans back into the couch, still fumbling with unsaid words.

 

“Back then, when we were still at the Garrison, before Kerberos – I never would have thought I’d be around later. I thought I’d make it back to Earth and then live another few months, see you graduate from the Garrison, or something. I didn’t think I’d stay around that long,” he confesses.

 

The inside of Keith becomes a turmoil; his heart is wreaking havoc, turns him in and over, grasps for all his organs, pushing through every cell. Keith loves him so much; it doesn’t matter how much time passes, having Shiro here, having him safe, it’s what makes Keith feel at peace. It doesn’t matter if they talk a lot or not.

 

“I’m happy I get to see the person that has the honor of making you happy,” he tells him, and it sounds honest and sincere. Keith wants to cry but hugs him instead.

 

Shiro hugs back, but he’s quick to untangle himself from Keith, something he has never done before. Keith tries not to read much into it, blinks at him a few times in confusion.

 

“Thanks for the book,” Shiro says and smiles, “I’m sorry, I have something to do before break ends—”

 

“Sure—”

 

And then he’s out the door.

 

 

 

 

 

Adam likes sitting in the small park not far from the Garrison – he has to cross the street to get to this place, a reason why most of his colleagues don’t go there but stay within the Garrison’s fence.

A result from that, the peace and quiet, is something that he always enjoyed.

 

Today however, his peace is disturbed by someone that hasn’t brought his blood to a boil in a long time.

 

“Adam.” His voice feels odd to his ears. He hasn’t heard it for a long time, not since Team Voltron’s return from the war. Adam doesn't answer, only stares at his former fiancé.

 

Shiro still knows how to find him; it can’t be a _coincidence_ to see him here. Adam clears the space next to him, but Shiro doesn’t move to sit. He gives him something wrapped in a brown paper bag (a book?) and before Adam can thank him, Shiro already gets to the point.

 

“You couldn’t have found someone different?”

 

It’s typical for Shiro – it looks like something he has brooded over and now the time has come for the issue to surface.

 

“Out of all the people in the world,” Shiro starts, “you date him?”

 

Adam knows when to feel guilty – he doesn’t feel guilty about this.

 

“Why?” he asks him, voice soft and calm. Shiro isn’t hostile, but he’s angry.

 

“He’s my best friend,” Shiro says, “and has been, always. He never left me, even when you did.”

 

Adam stays silent first, mulling over the words in his head, trying to find something that fits.

 

“I’m sorry,” he relents. “Shiro, the decision I made wasn’t—” he starts to explain because he feels guilty about that one. But Shiro doesn’t let him get there, interrupts him.

 

“And you didn’t tell me?”

 

He has a point. Adam could have reached out to him, could have become friends with him, could have talked to him. Granted, they could have sorted it out first, but Adam quickly realizes it’s not _really_ about him and Shiro.

He doesn’t get why Shiro would be that angry. Adam is to perplex to think clear.

 

Shiro is already midturn, ready to leave.

 

“Wait,” Adam calls out.

 

When Shiro turns back and looks at him, cheeks red and brows furrowed, it’s almost too obvious. There’s a brief memory of Shiro, younger than now Shiro; good-at-everything and bad-at-relationships-Shiro. It’s too clear but he still asks.

 

“What does it matter to you? He will always be your best friend.”

 

_Not to mention that he will always harbor some kind of feelings to you._

 

Shiro doesn’t answer, anger slowly fading from his face.

 

“Oh.” Adam simply says.

Shiro casts his eyes down, holds his own arm.

 

“You love him,” he states. The grass is green, the sky is blue, the air is invisible, and the sun is blinding. It’s nothing new.

 

Shiro turns without another word and Adam watches him go, thinks of all the times he wanted to tell Keith that he loves him and couldn’t, all the times a wall build up when he thought that Keith could be leaving him after all.

 

The air is invisible, and the sun is blinding. With the white hair and his relentless energy, Shiro is blinding; now even more than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to recommend this fic to others, feel free to link or retweet this [Tweet](https://twitter.com/CruelisB/status/1174602529558204417)!
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> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
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	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought you've seen the last of this???!!! HAHA
> 
> Everyone, fasten your seat-belts, because this is the last round!
> 
>  Edit: Like a fool I prematurely posted this when it was full of horrible mistakes. I worked over it again and although I'm sure there still are some mistakes, I think it's...really better right now.
> 
> [Fic Title Song btw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCD-sRRZD7U)

 

Adam feels the bed dip in the middle of the night. First, he doesn’t react; the muscle memory of Keith going to the bathroom during the night and coming back is well learned for Adam, so he usually just sleeps through it. He’s awake now because he has been waiting for the second dip of the mattress and the warm hug from Keith’s strong arms around him that always follows, but that night, it doesn’t come.

He waits two heartbeats before he opens his eyes.

The room is empty, and he doesn’t have to wear his glasses to realize it. One trained grip to his right side where the nightstand is, one push against the bridge of his nose, one look around him, just to be sure.

Keith is gone.

 

 

The panic that curls in his stomach pushes up and cuts off his throat. It’s a panic that is reminiscent of the past just as much as it’s a reminder of the present; a reminder, that he can be left any day and any minute, that is accompanied by the hollow feeling of giving too much of himself _again_ , just to get nothing in return. He really wants to ignore it, push it away, not let himself _feel_ this again _._

As he gets up – a quick look at the small alarm on Keith’s side of the bed tells him it’s 5 in the morning – he scolds himself inwardly, angry that this fucks him over more than he’d like to admit. He was so wary in his attempt to not give too much of himself away.

It’s not fair to suspect Keith would walk away from him like _he_ did, but then again—

They are _friends._ Keith has always loved and admired Shiro. It’s not a stretch to say they have similar traits, too. Adam hates the thought and hates himself. There’s precaution and then there’s being an asshole.

 

Before anything else, his mind wanders there; it could have something to do with Shiro, it could be Keith leaving for him—

 

He curses Shiro, because Shiro had to make it obvious, had to corner him at the park and let go of his pent up feelings instead of, well, maybe just using a few darts and throwing them on a picture of Adam. Why couldn’t Shiro let go off his anger in another way? Why did he have to be Keith’s friend in the first place, why do they have to have the connection between them? Why, why why—

 

Adam is being unfair again. He knows. He hates it, too.

 

Keith’s phone is gone, so at least he prepared to leave; it makes it somehow bearable, to think that he would take his phone with him so he can be reached. But then again, who leaves his phone at home these days? Does he even call this flat his home?

Maybe, just maybe, he’s overthinking this. Maybe Keith will come back in the morning.

 

 

He doesn’t come back. Adam thinks about calling him, but he can’t do it.

The first day is a drag. Adam calls Shiro, to no avail. He doesn’t want to suspect things, and it isn’t like him to go around Keith’s back and call Shiro instead—

He has no excuse—

 

Adam turns to housework that he hasn’t done for weeks while his attention was centered on Keith. He picks it up where he left it, does dishes, tidies up and cleans. Every piece of Keith that the Black Paladin left in Adam’s flat is like a thousand needles in his heart, every spot on a pillow where he spilled food is a reminder that hurts. The experience of cleaning up Keith’s reminders when he’s gone quickly melts together with a memory of gathering each personal object that Shiro had left. It’s been years now, but it still hurts. Adam had stored Shiro’s things in a box in the cupboard so he had to never look at them again. First, to let him get over the long foreseen break-up, then to push past every thought of his galaxy-breaking, assumed death.

He doesn’t want to think about it – it’s been so long already, there’s no reason to think about it _now_ when they’ve been over for so long – but Adam’s mind is frantic, gripping to memories that aren’t reliable anymore, only blurry mirages of a long-gone past mixed together with his messy present state, dreading dark thoughts of an uncertain future.

Two days of tidying up – and work on Monday seems like a relief in contrast. Both Shiro and Keith aren’t present, unsurprisingly. Something (not them suddenly deciding to elope, but something serious) must have happened.

 

The Yellow Paladin named Hunk pulls him aside at noon and passes on the information the higher ups know. Adam is entirely grateful since he and Keith dating is still a fact that they were able to keep private, and he couldn’t muster the strength to ask any of the superior officers about him, afraid of how they will react to his sudden interest in the Black Paladin as much as of his reaction to bad news. The Yellow Paladin, one of Keith’s best friends, is truly a good person at heart, for going directly to Adam with enough empathy to know that Adam will worry if he doesn’t know what’s going on.

“They are safe for now,” Hunk tells him. “It will take a few days until they are back.”

Adam is lacking every sign of relief, every emotion on his face, he blankly stares at two dark brown gentle eyes that pierce right through him. He gives him a shoulder squeeze and a nod, and it’s all he is able to do without having his outer shell break to pieces or having his knees give in right there and then. There are two classes he needs to get through, a short meeting and an evening debrief, then he can crawl into his bed, take off his glasses, take off the fear, take out his heart.

 

*

 

Keith is no foreigner to getting up in the middle of the night, getting dressed and tucking his knife into his belt, readying himself to risk his life. Since the Fall of the Galra Empire, he has been less used to doing it over and over, especially not since he moved into Adam’s home. He’s not used to leaving anyone, only to leaving an empty room in the middle of the night.

 _I will be back,_ Keith thinks to himself, but doesn’t say it as he looks down on Adam’s motionless figure on the bed. His eyes are squeezed shut and his mouth is slightly opened. His breathing isn’t actually a snore, even though Keith likes to tease him all the time with it.

 _I won’t die_ , he thinks sternly – then is surprised at himself for thinking it. He never cared for having to give his life for the cause, and as harsh as it sounds… he never cared if he actually died or not. It’s different now and the thought makes him restless. He doesn’t want to die and leave Adam behind, Adam who has suffered through someone dying on him once before.

He should wake him and tell him, but he doesn’t. Keith thinks it’s easier if he comes back a few days later and shows he is alive and well. There’s no reason to jinx it.

With a fluid motion, he turns around, leaves his heart back in the small room where he and Adam have spent countless nights. That small, broken, healing heart; he can’t take it with him, not when the call sounded so serious, not when the mission seems so hopeless. There _is_ hope – Shiro will come with him, together with the Blades, few of the MFE fighters, too. It makes it more likely that they will be successful.

If they are, it will be the last of those missions for a long time. Keith carefully puts his hair into a braid, dresses in his Blade uniform and walks towards the front door. When he’s back and the mission has been succesful, he’s going to hug Adam tight, tight, so tight, and never let go again.

 

*

 

They barely make it out alive.

 

*

 

Outside, still on Garrison grounds, Keith sits on a bench – it’s nighttime when they came back from the mission. The sky above is black and lightless, weighing in on him like the death of his friend.

It’s for a greater cause, he reminds himself to make the pain stop.

It will be okay someday.

 

He doesn’t sit alone for long; a familiar weight appears next to him. He’s too defeated to wonder who’s sitting next to him, but he’s almost sure he knows who it is.

A thought crosses his mind. He might have left his heart in a secure place, developed multiple ones, but no matter how hard he tries to keep the people he loves safe, sometimes they drop like flies.

 

“Keith.”

Shiro’s voice is the softest he ever heard, softer than what he remembers of his voice in the astral plane, softer than Shiro’s voice when he slept and Keith was watching over him. Keith takes his presence in like a sponge absorbing water, loading on additional weight, expanding himself.

With his legs to his chest and his head between his knees, Keith stays in his comforting ball-like shape, faintly noticing the hand softly stroking over his his back, up and down with careful fingers putting pressure where he’s tense, making him relax. Shiro squeezes Keith into his side in a one-armed hug, lies his head on Keith’s. He says nothing that isn’t needed, merely breathes the warm air gently through his nostrils. His breath tickles Keith, but there is nothing that could make him laugh right now. Not after he saw his friends die at the hand of an aggressive weapon that was forged by the Empire thousands of years ago. They ended it when they destroyed the weapon, but the rebound ended them.

Shiro stays like this, waits for him, hugs him through the night. He never suggests for them to get up and back to Keith’s room, never pushes for anything that Keith wouldn’t want. Shiro doesn’t say a thing no matter how long they sit out there, just stays pressed next to Keith until the Black Paladin stands with the first rays of the morning sun and disappears. He’s been gone for a few days – to be with alone, to let steam off, to digest that he’s never seeing this loved friend again.

 

He appears a week later and goes straight to Adam’s flat. It’s a Sunday which means Adam is supposed to be there, but after ringing the bell a few times, the door is still closed. He waits outside for a while, but when he runs out of patience, he loudly knocks at the door.

He hears someone shift, then quick steps moving towards him. The door opens, and a tired Adam looks at him.

“Can I come in?” he asks politely. Seeing Adam now, he isn’t sure he’s welcome. Adam’s eyes glance up to him, then down to his feet, there’s a sigh – Keith can’t tell if it’s one of annoyance or relief – and he turns on the spot, walks back into the flat and leaves the door open. Keith counts it as yes, steps in and shuts the door behind him quietly.

There’s no second glance from Adam as he sits on the couch and picks his book back up. Keith isn’t sure what to do – unsure if Adam is angry or not. He stays there, standing in the middle of the room, watching how Adam’s eyes are glued to the pages without reading them.

 

…Adam _is_ angry. Keith left in the middle of the night and didn’t leave a message and didn’t come back for more than a week. Of course he’s angry. He should be.

Keith can’t stomach that anger right now. He needs a hug, he needs his love, he needs the safety around him, the warmth that encircles him when Adam hugs him and it feels like someone has handed him his heart back.

“Could you look at me?” he asks tentatively. Adam bites his lip, stares in front of him now, lost in thought before he turns, snapping his eyes to Keith.

They look cold, unwelcoming, strict, like a teacher’s.

Keith can’t bring himself to say sorry, not after what happened on the mission. Adam has nothing to do with it, but if anything, he needs his support right now, not a lecture. He takes one step to get closer but Adam tenses, so he stays there.

“I don’t know if I want you here right now,” Adam tells him, voice rough. Keith searches his face for anything – he would have never believed his boyfriend to be very expressive, used to the calm face and calmer words, but now it’s right there on his face – black on white – how much he hurt him.

Keith can’t. He just can’t make room for that now.

“Rakorg died,” he says and observes the way Adam’s face changes from anger to dismay. “We were close. I saw him go.”

_He died before I could save him—_

Adam takes one inhale, then stutters out a breath. He opens his arms, still sitting on that couch and waiting until Keith takes the last careful steps towards him until he pulls him against his chest. A different scent than usual hits his nose. He notices the difference in his posture, senses the broken person. He recognizes it all in their hug.

“I love you,” Keith tells Adam and the brown-haired man squeezes him tighter, holds him there, holds him the whole night until Keith is ready for another morning.

 

 

Adam doesn’t want to forgive him. He has a right to stay angry. The mean voice in the back of his head reminds him that maybe his forgiveness isn’t needed. That maybe he shouldn’t forgive someone who won’t stay anyways. The thoughts invade his head as they lie in bed together. Keith sleeps, but Adam stares at the ceiling. Keith stirs and nuzzles into Adam’s side. He lets it happen and feels very, very empty while doing so.

 

*

 

The situation doesn’t change – Keith is there and receives Adam’s comfort when he needs it, but Adam can barely take anything in return. Too great is the fear that it’ll all be over eventually, so maybe it’s better to not get used to it in the first place. In Adam’s mind, he had let his cautiousness slide, had let this happen, had let himself be vulnerable.

 

A week later there is a reckless attempt from both of them to get intimate when feelings are still rough. Unsurprisingly it ends in a disaster – even though luckily, they both realize early on that sex isn’t a way to heal a hurting heart, just like a band-aid isn’t enough to cover a gaping wound. They both wish they knew earlier.

The sex ends abruptly and Keith flees after staying through a quick and uncomfortable lunch and doesn’t message after. Adam hurts again – Keith is so open to communicating with him usually, but something happened, this happened and he’s afraid it’ll stay like that.

It hurts a lot more when Adam walks by the bench that Keith sits on during break sometimes only to see Shiro right next to him, face concerned. He watches as Shiro’s lays his big hand on Keith’s smaller one. It makes Adam see red and fire in front of his eyes. His blood boils with jealousy, forces him to stay awake all night and wonder if Shiro has told Keith already that he loves him. Adam falls asleep with the thought that he needs to ready himself to send them both a congratulation card to their wedding.

 

 

Shiro never took anything for himself, made himself work hard for a career that would end soon. He made himself resist human relations because he knows he would leave soon. Shiro never has been selfless, Adam thinks, but he didn’t take just anything for himself. Only small things. Adam’s engagement ring for him, Adam’s love, he took those things, but only after he insisted on giving them to him. Adam handed him his love on a silver platter. No one handed him the Kerberos mission like that. It still stings that Shiro fought so merciless for something that made it possible for him to get away from everything. Adam understands it now, after everything, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

How long, Adam thinks, can break-ups make you hung up on a person? How often has he lived through that feeling already?

He never wants to give his heart out on a silver platter, and have it handed right back to him again.

 

 

Unlike Shiro, Keith comes back and back again, stands in front of his door, waits until he’s let in, waits until Adam opens his arms for him. Sometimes, Adam can’t help tears flowing into that thick black hair, can’t help at being overwhelmed by being loved and being prioritized.

*

It gets better after a while. Adam starts smiling more often again, and Keith smiles back. Adam kisses him and Keith kisses back. Keith kisses him multiple times, takes every second to worship him, to kiss his body, to make him open up with his mouth around his dick. Keith is careful whenever he enters him, moving together with him slowly, bound to put all his emotion in, unashamed and so sure of his feelings. He threads their fingers together and makes it seem like Adam is someone he could never leave again.

It lets Adam gain ground, let himself fall into Keith’s arms. He wants to open up again, to not be afraid, to think of a future again.

 

 

Then the asteroid hits Earth again, figuratively.

 

Adam knows the day it happens.

Keith is at his flat after work again, but he keeps getting distracted. Even after a week has passed he still trails off.

Keith is deep in thought and Adam can only guess what he’s thinking.

 

He asks him a few times what he wants to eat. Keith doesn’t notice how he trails off mid-answer.

“Keith,” Adam says for the third time, and a pair of violet eyes snap up to him. He looks beautiful when he’s in deep thought, and he’s beautiful there on Adam’s couch. With a pang in his heart, Adam braces himself to say goodbye one day to that grounding sight.

“Sorry,” Keith says and shakes his head. “What did you say?”

Adam doesn’t answer, instead taking a steadying breath. He had feared from the beginning it would be over at one point. It was only a matter of time.

“He told you.” It takes all his strength to say it out loud. He doesn’t even phrase it as question.

First, it looks like Keith doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but then he gets it. Then, the realization hits him and his eyes betray him.

“Yes,” he says softly and looks down at his hands. Nothing more.

“And?” Adam asks. He’s impatient.

Keith sighs and looks up again, right into Adam’s eyes.

“Nothing,” Keith says and pauses. “I don’t love him the way he loves me.”

It’s a passionate burning heat that trails over Adam’s back – his heart jumps and beats harshly in his chest.

“You do.” He can’t stop himself from saying it, and then he even repeats. “Keith, you do—”

Keith’s eyes clear. He stares at Adam as if he slapped him in the face. His mouth opens, then closes again. Then opens.

“You really seem to know my feelings.” 

 “No. I’m sorry, I don’t. Keith—”

“You’re right. He told me.” He bites his lips and looks away. “I’ve been wondering for the past week how Shiro can tell me that he loves me even though he knows I won’t leave you. How is _he_ brave enough to tell me about his feelings, when he should know that I’ll reject him. I’ve been wondering,” Keith swallows and wipes his eyes, “how he can tell me even though he has no guarantee that I will say it back.”

His eyes bore into Adam’s. “He did it, but _you_ can’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Adam says, voice weak.

“Don’t be,” Keith says. “You don’t need to be sorry for feelings you don’t feel.”

Keith stands slowly, ready to go. Adam has seen this movie before, this exact scene, it’s inevitable, he will let them just go again—

 

Two steps and he’s gone forever, Adam thinks and panics – holds him by his wrist.

“He died,” he says softly, a desperate attempt to make sense of his own feelings and to explain it all to Keith. “The last person, that I told I love them, died, Keith.”

Hiding behind a curtain of thick black hair, Keith bites his lip, guilt swallowing him whole. He thinks how he left that night a few weeks ago, how he didn’t want to give Adam a chance to say goodbye. He thinks how Adam would have never gotten to say it to him if he died and only would have had another message about the death of his parter reach him.

 

“He’s the only one I ever loved before,” Adam confesses, eyes panicked and wide, “and in the end, he didn’t want me. He wanted his death more than he wanted me.”

Keith’s stomach turns and he suddenly understands the recklessness, understands Adam’s anger at Shiro, understands why he’s unable to let himself relax around him.

He understands it all and yet leaves.

*

 

The next three weeks pass by in a blur. There’s no sense in hoping Keith will come back, so Adam doesn’t hope. He packs Keith’s things in another box, ready to push it into the last corner of his mind, prepared to give himself only a quarter of the time he needs to let his heart heal this time, too. Being left by his boyfriends shouldn’t feel like a reoccurring theme. He tries to not think about it too much because then he will likely drown in self-pity.

 

He sits alone at the park after work. Before, he usually spent his evenings with Keith and occasionally with the other Paladins, too. Adam has other friends that he could hang out with, they just don’t work at the Garrison and since it always takes time to get to them, Adam spends his time alone for now.

 

He hears steps and assumes it’s just someone taking a nightly walk through the park. When two feet halt in front of him, he realizes someone has searched for him.

 

He takes a steadying breath and looks up. “Takashi.”

The name rolls off his tongue easily despite it growing unfamiliar to him over the years. “I really don’t want to talk to you right now.”

Shiro lets out a little snort before he sits down right next to him. The Altean arm buzzes softly, the blue light blinds Adam from below. The first day Shiro came back to Earth, Adam couldn’t believe how different he looked. He looked alive – and he deserved to be.

But Adam doesn’t want to talk to him right now. He could go on about his life and never talk to Shiro again. The thought is easier than sitting with him right now, because the reason for Shiro to seek him out and talk with him is so blatantly clear to Adam.

“You’re not getting out of this,” Shiro says, chuckling lowly. Adam sighs, nudges against Shiro’s shoulder and accidentally hits the chunky shoulder port. It feels like such an old gesture, unusual, so old, so old.

“Out of what? A fistfight for Keith’s hand?”

“Still cracking jokes, I see,” Shiro says and smacks his lips. “I don’t think I would have a chance in a fight against you.”

Adam snorts now, too, eyes snapping to him. Since he returned, Shiro looks mesmerizing; dazzling hair, sly smile, clear eyes. Adam takes it in, for the first time allowing himself to look. At last, he looks at the Altean arm, the mighty, inhuman looking weapon.

“Sure,” he says.

He watches as Shiro curls and uncurls his fingers, the Altean arm making quiet noises as he moves it.

They sit in silence; Adam doesn’t know for how long. He’s not making the first step – he knows Shiro wants to talk about Keith, but he doesn’t know about which part and maybe he never will know, because Shiro sits and doesn’t talk, just stays there with him on the bench. Maybe they will just sit there, both rejected by Keith, reminiscing about the past.

 

It’s getting dark, and the park is the last place Adam likes to stay. He hears the annoying buzzing of mosquitoes flying around through the air. Except for that, it’s quiet. Half an hour has passed and Adam still waits for Shiro to talk. When he doesn’t, Adam finally looks up from the ground to Shiro. He’s idly staring at the stars. His eyes brighten with every passing minute.

Despite the scars on his face and body, the white hair, and the arm, Shiro looks beautiful. Maybe those features are the reason why he looks beautiful. Maybe it’s because he looks at peace and Adam never saw him like that before, despite a lifetime of knowing him.

“What do you want?” he finally asks him.

“I just want to sit here with an old friend.” Shiro’s answer is dodging everything, and honestly, Adam was fed up with him before he even started.

Still, Adam feels like he’s glued to the bench by an unknown force. It might just be that he’s so unbelievably tired. After a while when Shiro realizes that Adam won’t speak to him on his own accord, he lets out a long breath, leans back and stretches his legs out.

“He rejected me,” he tells him, and Adam’s heart skips a beat even though he already knew.

“You don’t sound surprised.”

Shiro laughs. “I _am_ a bit surprised, if we’re being completely honest.”

“Sure.” Adam pauses. “Since we’re old friends who are honest to each other,” he says. It makes Shiro laugh again.

“You know I don’t get into things when I don’t see a chance for me to get something out of it.”

“You’re making yourself sound a lot worse than you are.” Adam sighs and waits. “Or maybe you are _that_ bad.”

“Oh, shucks—” Shiro is in such a good mood, unbearably good. It annoys Adam so much.

“Why aren’t you with him now, Adam?” Shiro asks him out of the blue, tone in his voice still light as a feather. “Why does he look _like_ _that_ for three weeks straight now?”

“Like _what_?” Adam asks, but he already knows the answer.

A cold breeze gently trickles through the trees, slowly moving the leaves.

“Like _absolute_ _shit_.” Shiro’s voice sounds everything but light now. It’s dark, it’s hoarse, reproachful. “He looks like you ripped his fucking heart out.”

Adam has never heard him sound like that. That’s love, too, he thinks. Frightening, destroying love. The undying love of someone who won’t give up on it.

“I thought you were smart,” Shiro says, his tone light again. “Turns out you’re just book-smart.” He laughs, but the bitter tone isn’t completely gone.

“If you’re here to threaten me—” Adam starts as he’s getting riled up and angry.

“I’m here to _tell_ you to get your head out of your ass, Adam.”

Adam growls.

“You’re such a dick,” he says and stands, ready to leave. “Takashi- _fucking dick_ -Shirogane.”

“Wow,” Shiro laughs and it’s genuine – voice breathless, aspirated, levitating in the air. “You kiss Keith with that mouth?”

Adam knows Shiro has every reason to be angry at him and provoke him like that, to be an angry ass dude. Doesn’t mean Adam has to sit it out. Not when Keith is already gone—

“I don’t anymore. I think you figured that out by yourself already. Right? Golden Boy Takashi is _just_ as _book smart_.”

Shiro, for once, doesn’t reply and only watches him from the bench.

“He’s not coming back,” Adam says. “It’s over.”

He turns on his foot, but Shiro stands and grabs after his wrist. He holds him back before Adam makes the final cut.

“He always comes back,” Shiro says softly. Adam can’t look him in the eyes as he continues. “He always will, but you can’t push him away anymore, Adam.”

They stand like that, Shiro’s hand releasing slowly his grip, but still holding onto him.

“I know I hurt you back then,” he continues, eyes casting down. “But we’re not the same person, Adam. He won’t leave you until you make him feel like he should.”

Adam’s breath is quickening, anger, hurt, desperation flowing through him at the same time. He looks up to Shiro at the same time as he does, exhales harshly through his nose as he stares at him.

Their eyes are locked on each other, and soon Adam feels tears prickling in the corner of his eyes. He’s dizzy and all of those feelings are coming back—

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. It’s been years. He says it even though it feels like _that_ wound is better left alone instead of being cut right into again, cleaned, and sown back together again.

 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, “for making you choose. I’m sorry I couldn’t understand.”

“It’s okay now.” Shiro says, eyes entirely too soft.

“It really isn’t—”

“It is for me, Adam. I loved you, but it was okay that we were over. You making a cut at that moment might have been …shitty as hell, but I like to think that it was the right decision.”

Adam’s chest heaves quickly, he bites his lips, rubs his face and doesn’t care that his glasses almost fall off his face.

“But,” Shiro says and his eyes are looking down at him softly. “It’s not the right decision _now_. He loves you. I know it. I might have been surprised that he rejected me, but I wasn’t that much.”

Against all odds, Adam barks out a laugh at this.

“You’re so full of yourself, Golden Boy.”

 

They stand a few seconds in silence, the last streetlights turning off one by one. Darkness covers them, makes Adam’s punched-out breath more audible and his face invisible.

 

“If I make this right again,” he starts. “If he still wants me—”

“He wants—”

“Then what will become of you?”

 

Darkness, his expression concealed by it. One breath,

two breaths—

 

“I will survive,” Shiro says.

 

“I always do.”

 

 

*

 

 

Adam goes straight to Keith’s room at the Garrison that night, only to wait in front of the door when Keith doesn’t answer. Adam dials his number a dozen times, but Keith doesn’t pick up.

He drives into the desert, even though he doesn’t know if Keith’s simply not at home or just unwilling to open the door for him; he drives to the spot that since long ago has become their spot; it’s a new one, not the old one from the early days. Keith isn’t there either.

 

Adam goes back home, defeated, unsure how he will handle the weekend if Keith won’t communicate with him.

He opens the door, steps in, heart in shatters, but he will pick those back up, put them in a box, and store them away for an unestimated time. Maybe forever.

His naked feet tap over the ground and it’s unnecessary that he’s quiet while doing so, but he’s so used to it, even though Keith hasn’t been at his home in weeks.

As he enters the living room, he immediately spots him there – on his favorite spot on the couch. Adam sees his face first, then the messy braid, then the Blade uniform. Then the travel bag on the floor.

 

“Hey,” Keith greets him, voice soft and wavering. Adam steps closer instantly.

“Keith—” He stops, eyeing the bag at his feet. “You’re leaving.” He feels numb.

Keith casts his eyes down. He looks nervous and against his will, Adam is thrown back to the memory of their first date. It’s entirely unfitting – and he doesn’t know what Keith’s getting nervous for.

“So this is farewell,” he hears himself say as he’s watching Keith standing up. He didn’t look like he had wanted to stay longer than necessary in the first place; he hasn’t even taken anything off his uniform to get more comfortable while waiting. He still must have been there for at least an hour.

Keith doesn’t nod. “I’m going to the Blade’s headquarters, then I will see where it takes me from there,” he confesses.

“Tell Krolia ‘Hi’ from me,” Adam says weakly. He doesn’t know why he just gives in with Keith leaving. Shiro was wrong after all.

Keith doesn’t reply, thumbing over his own hand, a nervous gesture that Adam has grown familiar with.

Those can’t be the last words he says to him, Adam realizes. He can’t let him go like that.

 

He knows there is no sense in stopping people that want to leave, but he can’t let him go without making one thing clear. He can’t let Keith leave and think all of this was in vain. He means _so_ much to Adam – and he never even told him.

“I don’t want to tell you that you can’t leave,” he starts, “but—”

He trails off, not knowing how to convey his feelings. Keith looks up at him, waiting. His eyes are zoning in on him only and they look two sparkling amethysts.

“Please know that being with you made me feel safe,” he starts.

Keith doesn’t answer, but his mouth opens slightly. Adam looks to the side, struggling to find the right words. He’s struggling, but he needs to do this.

“Keith,” he breathes. “You made me think about a future that I could share with you. I once swore I would never give a part of me to someone ever again—” He gulps, looking back at Keith’s face and watching as it taints in soft pink, “but I don’t regret giving a part of me to you. I regret not giving you _more_.”

“Adam—”

“I love you,” he says quietly. “Please take care.”

Keith eyes him silently and Adam is afraid he said too much, or worse, comes off as clinging to Keith’s leg only when he wants to leave. His heart takes a leap when he sees Keith’s astounded face morph into a genuine smile, and then tears rolling from his eyes.

“You’re so hopeless,” Keith says and takes a step forward. “Literally. I can’t believe it, Adam.”

Adam shrugs because there’s nothing much he can do about it. His eyes warily observe every step Keith takes. When he’s right in front of him, his hands go up to his waist as if they are drawn to it by a magnetic force. In turn, Keith puts his arms around his neck, leans into his space. “You’d really just let me go after telling me that,” – he stares at him, lips quirking up – “and not even kiss me?”

Adam stares at him, still holding him by his waist. “I—”

“You really think I came to tell you that I’m leaving,” Keith continues and lets himself swing freely as Adam holds onto him, “when I was scared as shit to ask you to leave with me?”

 

His heart isn’t shattered, Adam thinks, it’s not scattered, it’s not even glued back together. He got a fresh new one, right at this moment.

“I love you,” he breathes and cups Keith’s face. “I’m sorry, I should have just told you—”

“It’s okay.” Keith leans into the touch of his hand. He turns his head and kisses his palm, then a cheeky smile appears on his lips.

“We been knew.”

Adam’s whole torso moves when he laughs and shakes his face. “Really, Keith?”

“Really,” Keith grins, eyes wide open; he’s amazed, jittery, excited, in love and loved. “Come with me? We have a five-hour flight. We could talk a little about those future plans you have with me?”

“I’d like that,” Adam confesses and leans in to kiss him. Keith’s lips are so soft, but his hands are firm around his neck and he’s pressing against him, drowning in that kiss. Adam deepens it, gives all of himself to him, moving his lips slowly, teasing, sucking as he kisses him. He missed this.

 

 

When they part, he’s breathless, his hair more tousled than Keith’s is. Adam looks at him, biting his lip as his heart is full of Keith, this beautiful man who’s still able to put his trust in someone. Adam wants to work on this, work on them, give all of his trust to Keith too.

“Good,” Keith says, lips swollen, cheeks red, stunning from head to toe. He’s grinning sheepishly as he says: “You will have to talk a lot more about them from now on with me.”

  

 

 

_-_

 

_We'll be reborn_

  
_We'll simply be free_

 

_And we'll be the colors_  
_That pour through the streets_

 

 

_Take from the air, take to the streets, and I_

_Take from the air, take to the streets, and I_

_Take from the air, take to the streets, and I_

_Take from the air, take to the streets, and I_

 

 

 

_-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone who encouraged the fic along the way! This was my (not so guilty anymore) pleasure and it was a fic where I felt like I could do whatever I want with it because honestly, I didn't expect anyone to read it anyways. I really hope you like this end.
> 
> I also hope everyone who came to like Kadam through this fic (I....sure started liking it when I started writing it lol) might consider cheeking out [Voltron Rarepair Week ](https://twitter.com/WeekVoltron) for September 2019! If anyone wants to, I'd be super pumped to see peeps creating Kadam content. I'm starving for it, honestly. (Other ships are welcome too ofc!!!!)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm really happy to know what you thought of the ending (and really afraid that nobody likes it so please don't tell me if you hate it. PLS)
> 
> If you want to recommend this fic to others, feel free to link or retweet this [Tweet](https://twitter.com/CruelisB/status/1174602529558204417)!
> 
>  
> 
> _________________________
> 
> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> Feedback
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
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> 
> This author replies to comments.  
> If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!  
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